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You and your partner have recently broken up. After careful consideration you have decided that the two of you not being together is just wrong. The planets aren’t aligned that way. You belong together and you want to get your ex back.

Because you feel so strongly about the rightness of your relationship you may be tempted to immediately contact your ex. You want to phone your ex at home or at work. You want to show up in a place where you know he or she is likely to be. You want to initiate contact and then force your ex to listen to reason.

If you succumb to this temptation to contact your ex chances are you will only drive your former partner even further away. Hard as it may be for you to do, you have to be patient, you have to wait.

Something Caused the Break Up

Remember, your break happened for a reason. Maybe for several reasons. You may not be able to see what caused the break up or if you know the cause maybe it just doesn’t make sense to you so you tend to want to dismiss it as unimportant. But if you go blundering in now, soon after the split, begging to be heard, demanding that your ex listen to reason, your version of reason, you will only make matters worse.

Difficult as it may be, you have to wait.

How long you have to wait before initiating contact is a decision only you can make. The circumstances of the break up will help you to judge.

If you and your ex were having problems for some time before the break up, wait longer. If there was a lot of anger in your relationship or at the time of the break up, wait longer still.

Think about the kind of person your ex is and how long it may take him or her to cool off and calm down. When you are sure you know how long that period might be, double the time.

While You Wait, Look To Yourself

How ever long you decide to wait, use the time wisely. Again, think about the reasons for your break up. Blame can certainly be laid at the door of both you and your partner but you can only control your own actions.

Without beating yourself up think about your words and actions and the part they played in the split up. When the time is right to talk to your ex about reunion you have to understand your own faults and mistakes. You will need to be able to explain to your ex that you are aware of these problems and are already working to correct them.

To get your ex back you will need to practice self control and patience. You will need to able to look critically at yourself and be willing to make improvements. This may be difficult but if the two of you are meant to be together all your efforts will be well rewarded.